Writing Your Best Man’s Speech – Part 2

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At last, the long awaited sequel to Writing Your Best Man’s speech!

In this post I’m going to give you some ammunition for humor. Humor is not easy but with a little practice, most anyone can deliver at least one or two funny lines to lighten the mood and make an ordinary toast into something quite special.

Here are some popular jokes and quotes that you can use in the best man speeches. 

A WORD OF CAUTION: Just pick one for the beginning and (maybe) one for the end to wrap it up. Unless you’re a stand-up pro, keep it simple. Get in, get out and obey my first rule of showbiz…leave ’em wanting more.

I can sincerely say that in all the years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question ____ intelligence. Honestly, I never heard anyone even talk about any intelligence on ___ part.

_____it’s alright muttering some words in the church and discover that you are married, but if you mumble a few words in your sleep, there are chances that you would be thrown out of the house.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if anyone here is feeling, worried, nervous or uneasy it is probably because she just got married to ____.

I’ve know ___ for quite some time now and am considered a bit of a father figure since I witnessed him crawl around on his knees. And drink from a bottle and also helped him to clean up after the Bachelor Party.

They say that speech-making is a similar to prospecting for black gold. If you don’t strike oil in a few minutes you should stop boring.

Let’s have a wedding – Charles Dickens (Great Expectations)

I think men with a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage since they have already experienced pain and bought jewelry. (Rita Rudner)

Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.  (Socrates)

My wife dresses to kill and sadly she cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

My wife and I were happy for thirty years and then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)

I love being married because you fine one special person to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage. When I learn it I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)

The most excellent way to get husbands into listening to you is suggesting that they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

If you’re truly serious about making a memorable speech, you should check out the full version, of this guide. Shoot me an email at

Chris@ChrisHumphreyPhotographer.com

Good luck and remember this one tip from someone who has heard a LOT of speeches, no ever complains because your speech was too short.

Here’s another LINK to a nice collection of speech joke as well.

Cheers!